One of the Lucky Ones

Tempting fate, a tempting love, pushing the envelope only to cross a line she can’t backtrack from.

As a line unseen, it’s boundary is neither here nor there, damage assessed only in retrospect from the wake of love’s poor choice.

Her whole life feels like she has spent it in retrospect through apology, in defense, constantly repairing, correcting perhaps what should not have been in the first place.

She feels this but she also desperately longs to be back in that same private place from long ago where, for the briefest of moments in time, she felt completely free.

A time when her heart wasn’t so heavy, life wasn’t so heavy and she still had the energy of choice.

And as she ages she realizes perhaps she wasn’t free after all, not free like the many others that walk silently along side of her at this moment in time, sharing the weight of the world together alone.

She believes none of us are completely free believing we are all carrying unseen loads that get heavier as we age, weight that keeps us all from flying.

But she knows she will be the only person who sees through her eyes, the only one who will ever know how far she has come, how much she has lost, what feelings she harbors and the weight she carries, how close she came to the edge, how far she has travelled from that point to this one or how deep she loved and still does.

In these moments when she questions the purpose of her life, sometimes she thinks back to the time she spent when her heart solely belonged to him and she closes her eyes and for the briefest of sweet moments, she feels the weightlessness of being home, being free, of feeling pure love once more and her heart is full and quiet.

These moments remind her that judgement is for those on the outside and the truest of loves has no defense.

To know the deepest of love means you will feel the deepest of losses and for that she will carry the heaviness of her past with pride.

She has experienced life, she is one of the lucky ones.

Fade Into You

I fade into you, not knowing where I end and you begin, a subtle blending from I and you to the beauty that is simply us.

Like the fire of sunset, the bleeding of crimson to burnt orange, a bright and brilliant yellow all the way to the coolest shade of lavender towards the tail end and eventual fade to black.

To pinpoint the exact place that one color becomes the other is impossible as the colors change by the moment, each more beautiful than the moment before, but each is beautiful in its own right and by its own light.

The perpetual change is beauty in action and like every sunrise and every sunset, the moments are temporary but lucky for us the marks they leave on our souls are permanent ones.

And like ourselves, this beautiful life we live is temporary too, with some enjoying the experience of the long drawn out day, from sunrise to sunset, basked in the warmth of the sun and the coolness of the breeze on the long journey home.

And others seem to experience a sudden eclipse, swallowed whole into the unknown darkness without warning, their physical journey cut short, a free ride past the worry and pain of future aging and ailments, of loss and tragedy, of worry and regret.

I fade into you gently through the hands of time and I rest knowing that whether it be through eclipse or sunset, I carry with me the colors of us on my journey, having now felt the warmth of the sun I can never forget it.

We are a light never extinguished, a light that adds to the beauty of sunrise and sunset, like all the love and beauty experienced before us, and with love as our light we will forever shine bright.

Brighter than the stars, than the sun, beyond and through the darkness, we are both the prism and the light and it fades into us.

I, with you, forever

It cannot be that all I see is me, the opposite is true, I see you and all you do and I am still. Still and quiet, I cannot deny it, forever loving you, hard as it may be I will try it. Fear seeps in and my tough skin wears thin, my heart on my sleeve, lost if you leave, my heart begs please, don’t go and if you do, please take two, me and you, for to be alone, with no love shown, is no way to live if there is no more love to give, I, with you, forever.