To the you that never was, know that I loved you so deeply.
I first knew you in my dreams like a sweet whisper, thought of you each day like a vivid dream and nurtured your image like hope.
I saw him and imagined you with dirty blond curls, long lashes with baby blues and a smile that would melt your soul, if only we had let it.
Through him I saw you and imagined you as the part of me that never was.
I watched you crawl, helped you stand, followed behind your steps and protected you like a budding seed in Spring.
I hear your laughter, see your art on the walls, feel you sneaking in between us to warm your feet in winter like your brother always did.
I saw your dad’s heart grow far bigger than he could have expected or imagined, finally meeting the only woman that would truly forever occupy his soul and own the biggest part of his heart.
Not to say he didn’t love me too but I know it wouldn’t be the way he loved you, followed and supported you for life, the brightest star in his sky, the reason he could be gentle without exception.
I see you learning to ride your bike, standing on the steps on your first day of school and see you smile proudly after losing your first tooth.
I see you excel in school, at sports, have friends and crushes.
I see you learning how to drive, taking entrance exams for college and graduating with honors.
I see you grow and have each other, for life, even if you don’t agree with each other the way siblings sometimes do.
Or maybe none of these things would happen and that would be OK too, because no matter your path, our love is not dependent on implied success.
I have seen the you that never was and I need to tell you two things.
The first, of course, is that I love you like only a mother can.
The second, of course, is that I am sorry for the family that you never had, the laughter you didn’t get to enjoy, the hugs you never got to experience and the love you never got to feel.
To the you that never was, know you had a family that loved you and no matter where you may be, we are never far behind.