One of the Lucky Ones

Tempting fate, a tempting love, pushing the envelope only to cross a line she can’t backtrack from.

As a line unseen, it’s boundary is neither here nor there, damage assessed only in retrospect from the wake of love’s poor choice.

Her whole life feels like she has spent it in retrospect through apology, in defense, constantly repairing, correcting perhaps what should not have been in the first place.

She feels this but she also desperately longs to be back in that same private place from long ago where, for the briefest of moments in time, she felt completely free.

A time when her heart wasn’t so heavy, life wasn’t so heavy and she still had the energy of choice.

And as she ages she realizes perhaps she wasn’t free after all, not free like the many others that walk silently along side of her at this moment in time, sharing the weight of the world together alone.

She believes none of us are completely free believing we are all carrying unseen loads that get heavier as we age, weight that keeps us all from flying.

But she knows she will be the only person who sees through her eyes, the only one who will ever know how far she has come, how much she has lost, what feelings she harbors and the weight she carries, how close she came to the edge, how far she has travelled from that point to this one or how deep she loved and still does.

In these moments when she questions the purpose of her life, sometimes she thinks back to the time she spent when her heart solely belonged to him and she closes her eyes and for the briefest of sweet moments, she feels the weightlessness of being home, being free, of feeling pure love once more and her heart is full and quiet.

These moments remind her that judgement is for those on the outside and the truest of loves has no defense.

To know the deepest of love means you will feel the deepest of losses and for that she will carry the heaviness of her past with pride.

She has experienced life, she is one of the lucky ones.